Marge Simpson, Food Blogger

I am and always have been a huge fan of The Simpsons. Ralph Wiggum was included in my high school yearbook quote (he was also one of the first embroideries I ever did). In college, I taught two semesters of a class on The Simpsons and American society with a friend (the first semester, the class was only for freshmen, and 90% of the incoming class signed up to take it).  There was a chunk of time when the show was just too bad to watch, but it has definitely been much, much better in the last few years. Like most fans, though, I can be a bit wary - current episodes are often hit or miss and are never as strong as the earlier seasons.


So when I heard that Marge was going to become a food blogger (even if only for one episode), I was a bit worried. Would Marge's new job be a success (pretzel wagon saleswoman) or a failure (erotic baker)? Would the writers just take the easy jabs, or would they actually pay enough attention to the culture to get it right?


I can happily say that they hit this episode, entitled The Food Wife, on the mark, even if it does pinpoint the pretentious nature of many food blogs a little too accurately. The basic story? Marge, Bart, and Lisa are driving in the car when it breaks down in Little Ethiopia, a previously unknown section of Springfield. They go into a restaurant and Marge (and the kids) are wowed by the food they try there. They meet a bunch of foodies, led by Comic Book Guy, who actually searched the restaurant out, and Marge is swiftly on her way to becoming a foodie. Marge, Bart, and Lisa start their own food blog, called The Three Mouthketeers, while Homer looks on. In fact, Homer seems to be firmly against food blogs or even trying new foods, saying things like "I don't eat anything new unless I've eaten it before" or "I don't want to think about food, I want to like it!" or "All the food in those pictures is poop by now." Marge and Homer are quickly and firmly on two very different sides of the debate.


The video above is by far the funniest part of the episode (I mean, who doesn't love a montage?!). Do a little freeze-framing and you can see Marge’s favorite food gadgets (Marshallow Puffer, Immersion Toaster, Raisin Re-graper, Industrial Tagine, Soup Ruler, Cranberry Pitcher, Banana Separator, Souffle Barometer, Pressure Curder, Convection Slurper) or Bart's 4-star review of The Burger Maestro ("An ostrich burger with buffalo mozzarella? It’s like a zoo exploded in my mouth!"). A spoof of Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind, the song name-checks chefs, food writers, cooking terms, and ethnic foods left and right. There's even a reprise of the song over the end credits that's even funnier than this version because it really gets down to the glamorous life of a blogger (We're bloggin' a food blog/ Setting up accounts for our users/ Using computers/ Most tweets every day, yo tweets every day/ Never give it four stars, ain't never give it four stars, maybe two, maybe three/ Moderating the comments/ Checking the page views, page views, page views).

Eventually, Marge and the kids get invited to dine at El Chemistri, a high-end and experimental restaurant in town. We see what I imagine is only a portion of the meal, but what a meal it is. It starts with mints placed in the mouth that vibrate when their table is ready. We see a deconstructed Caesar salad (romaine lettuce gel, egg yolk ice, crouton foam, and anchovy air), "Regret" (some kind of soup served on a pillow, which deflates when the soup is garnished with a single tear from the server's eye), Pork Chops 100 Ways, root vegetables "cooked in the perfect vacuum of outer space" ("They say you can't even understand parsnips until you've had zero-G parsnips"), and a doggie bag (woven from the silk of a blueberry-fed spider) of deconstructed apple pie (cue the ending of Ratatouille). You'd never think of Marge as the type of woman to try those dishes, so good for her!

My favorite moment of the episode (besides the song) was Homer's comment after watching the chef at El Chemistri make pine needle sorbet. He seems horrified by the very idea of pine needle sorbet - "Pine needle sorbet? Pine needle sorbet! My kids do not eat sorbet! They eat sherbet, and they pronounce it sherbert, and they wish it was ice cream!" 

(My other favorite moment from the episode was not food related but reminded me of my father - Marge calls the kids "gang," and Bart shoots back "I hate it when grownups call kids 'gang.'" I hope you enjoyed that, Dad.)


If you could have one of Marge's favorite kitchen gadgets, which one would it be and why?

Zombie Easter Bunny

Like any good geek, I enjoy perusing the ThinkGeek website. I could probably go to any page on that site and find something I want. (And any non-food website that has a category for bacon is fine by me.) Every April 1st, ThinkGeek comes up with a bunch of stuff that seems real enough, or at least, should be.

Enter this year's batch of April Fool's Day objects. I personally think the Star Wars lightsaber popsicle molds should be real. And when a friend mentioned wanting to buy one of these zombie Easter bunnies for another friend, I knew I could at least make that one happen.

I found a bunny mold that is, I think, even better than the original because he's holding a brain (ok, ok, an egg, but it works so well as a brain!). I colored white chocolate with gel food coloring to get that great zombie green tint and away we went! I had bought a bag of Nerds jelly beans to snack on and was pleasantly surprised to find that the pink ones looked a little bit like brains and would fit in the bunny's basket.

I don't make my own chocolates much, but when I do, I love putting a fun twist on it. Do you make your own chocolates?

Holiday Castle Siege

What would Christmas be without creating something ridiculous out of cookie? A few years ago, there was the Great Gingerbread Massacre, and last year, my friends and I recreated the movie Zombieland with gingerbread. After "castle siege" was suggested this year, I knew I would have to attempt it. I immediately googled "gingerbread trebuchet" and got some great ideas. (Click the picture above to embiggen.)

(By the way, in my googling, I found the most amazing recreations of scenes from the Lord of the Rings, done entirely in candy. Check them out.)

My friend Melody was along for the whole ride, and many of her suggestions are what made this thing so awesome. While I was baking the pieces, she pulled out a toy horse cookie cutter and said that we had to make a Trojan horse. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE nerd about the Trojan war, so how could I not make one after she pointed it out? I put a little platform between the two horse cookies and loaded it up with little men. There's even a ladder on the back for them to climb.

There are just so many awesome things in this scene, and they make me laugh just thinking about them. There's a prisoner who's being set on fire, men on top of the wall with vats of hot pitch, a ladder thrown over the castle wall, a guy sneakily trying to set the castle on fire, and a few men impaled by thrown javelins.

And of course, there's the gingerbread trebuchet. The thing actually moves!! The counterweight is a little house-shaped box attached to a pretzel rod with a toothpick, and the basket is a mini cupcake wrapper attached to the pretzel with string licorice and loaded with Whoppers. The pretzel itself is attached to the base via a wooden skewer, and it moves up and down. The only thing missing is a mechanism to secure the basket pre-firing. Hey, I'm no engineer.

By the way, this whole thing was made with one batch of my favorite gingerbread and one batch of royal icing. It was all pretty easy (although I am aware that my definition of "easy" is a bit skewed.)

I love having fun with gingerbread. Have any good gingerbread creations to share?

Mmm Cake

That is all.

Pretty Sure I Asked for Pecan Sandies

My brother Ron has the amazing ability to create earworms and catch phrases. No, create is the wrong word - but he is able to pick phrases that stick with you no matter how hard you try to forget them. Usually, our friends and I are left repeating these phrases long, long after he's forgotten all about them. Case in point: At the supermarket this weekend, my friend Ann held up a bottle of Chi-Chi's salsa and asked if we could bring it into the house without guaranteeing a bout of Chicken and Chi-Chi's Cyborg.

Anyway, one of Ron's many earworms, and one that has yet to absent itself from even his own mind, is "Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandies." The line is from the first few minutes of the first episode of American Dad, which I think is even funnier than it's sibling, Family Guy. Roger, the alien that the Smiths keep hidden in their house, gets upset when he finds out the wife didn't buy him cookies (video below). And my brother has been repeating this phrase since 2005, when the episode aired. Somehow, we all still find it funny!



And so I've been meaning to bake pecan sandies for Ron for ages. I didn't actually get around to it until this Christmas, though, when I added it onto my long list of cookie requests. In all honesty, I made them as a joke, but almost everyone amongst my friends and family liked them the best (out of 10 or so different kinds of cookie!). I guess that means pecan sandies are now part of my regular rotation of cookies, so there's no way in hell this ear worm is going away anytime soon.

Pecan Sandies adapted from Food & Wine
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temp
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups flour
1 cup chopped pecans (I like to use a nut chopper)

Beat together butter, sugar, and salt until light and fluffy. Beat in the vanilla extract, then slowly add the flour, scraping down the sides of the bowl as you go. When the dough starts to pull together, add the pecans and mix until the nuts are evenly incorporated. Divide the dough in half, form into 2-inch-thick logs, wrap in wax paper, and freeze at least two hours, or overnight.

Preheat oven to 350° and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Cut logs into 1/4-inch-thick slices and arrange on baking sheets. Bake 25-30 minutes, until the edges begin to turn golden brown. Repeat with remaining dough.

An Open Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I thought we had a deal. You provide nice weather and tons of fresh produce during the summer, and I in turn eat healthier, laying off things like homemade croissants or baked pasta, and get time to work in my garden.

Believe me, I would be keeping my end of the promise if I could. But it’s hard to eat a garden-fresh salad when my garden is drowning. And it’s hard to stop baking when the last thing I want to do is leave the house.

Therefore, you have left me no choice. There will be baked orecchiette and cheese for dinner, followed by a batch of cookies. I will continue to cook as if it were February until you hold up your end of the bargain.

I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely,

Pam

Do Not Open Door After Dusk

Found this sign in the back hall of the Starbucks in Newton Centre. Vampires may be a threat in the city, but who knew they were such a problem in the suburbs?

Why I Will Be Thinking About Hot Pockets for the Next Three Days...

Last night, I had one of the geekiest nights in a long time. It started out with seeing Jim Gaffigan live at the Berklee Performance Center with the roommate (with tickets that we bought back in March!). Then I met up with some friends to see Jonathan Coulton at the Paradise (if you haven't heard his "Re: Your Brains", give it a listen right now) with what may have been the highest concentration of geeks in one place that I've ever seen. Then I met back up with the roommate to see a midnight showing of the influential Metropolis, complete with a live band, at the Coolidge Theatre.

But throughout the concert and the movie, all I could think of was Hot Pockets. If you're already a fan of Jim Gaffigan, you know why. If you've never heard of him though, watch the clips below and you'll understand why he's such a great comic. The Hot Pockets bit is one of his most famous (along with an amazing set about bacon... "God, how can he have so many jokes about bacon?!"). In fact, many of his best bits are about food, so what's not to love?


Oh, and representatives from Hot Pockets were actually there, handing out coupons and pens outside the venue. The best part? The pens play the Hot Pockets jingle when you press a button! The roommate and I both got them and have left them around the apartment to play with whenever the spirit takes us...

More good Jim Gaffigan food-related clips...

Jimmy Kimmel's Cooking Tips

So I've never watched the Bonnie Hunt Show before, but I had the tv on in the background while I worked on my homework on Tuesday and I'm so glad I did! Jimmy Kimmel starting talking about his diet and how he can eat whatever he wants so long as it's imaginary and, of course, he had to show Bonnie one of his favorite recipes.

The best part? They both took it so seriously (well, at least at the beginning). I love when he critiques her knife skills... And then they passed samples around the audience! I love it!

Monkey Business in a Japanese Restaurant

I would totally eat at this place if I were visiting Japan. I mean, monkey waiters!

And the people who were interviewed must think waiters and children are pretty bad if the monkeys are a better alternative...

Pushing Daisies Cup Pies

Apparently this week is all about food and television for me. Tonight, Pushing Daisies has its season premiere, and what better food to have to celebrate with than cup pies! Pushing Daisies has such a unique style that it's hard not to love it - quirky storylines, a fairytale-like narrator, bright sets, good writing, a love triangle... and PIE! Ned the pie maker can bring the dead back to life, whether it's fruit past its prime or his childhood crush, Chuck.

So, I've been wanting to make these cup pies since Chuck suggested them to Ned, and I've been curious about cheese baked into the crust as well (which Chuck does for her depressed, cheese-loving aunts), so why not combine them? This dough is fantastic and easy to put make and use, so this may be my default pie dough from now on. I even enjoyed the leftover scraps (coated in egg wash and sugar), and now I want to make cookies out of it. And the cup pie shape has a much better dough-to-filling ratio, at least for my tastes. I can't wait to try it with other fillings.



Apple Cup Pies

Dough
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
14 Tbsp (1 3/4 sticks) unsalted butter, frozen and cut into small cubes
about 3 ounces Gruyere cheese, finely grated
1/2 cup (or more) very cold water

Filling
2 large apples, peeled, cored, and chopped
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp flour

1 egg, beaten
sugar for dusting

In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, salt, and butter. Using the tips of your fingers, blend the butter into the flour until pea-size clumps begin to form. Add cheese and mix in. Add water and knead until the dough just pulls together (add a little extra water if there is a lot of extra flour in the bowl). Divide dough in half and pat each half into flattened disks. Wrap in plastic wrap and store in the fridge for at least an hour, or up to 2 days.

In a medium bowl, combine chopped apples, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and flour. Mix to ensure that the apples are fully covered in the mixture.

Using a 12-cup cupcake pan, grease alternating cups (so that any overflow or overhang from the cup pies does not get in the way of other cup pies) - the outside cups in one row, the inner cup in the next row, etc.

On a floured surface, roll out one of the dough disks until it is about 1/4-inch thick. Using a large cup or biscuit cutter (about 4 1/2 inch), cut 6 circles and fit into the greased cups. Make sure to push them in so they fit into the bottoms and sides of the cups. Fill each pie with apple mixture, heaped up over the top of the pan. Roll out the second half of the dough and use a smaller cup or biscuit cutter (about 3 1/2 inch) to cut 6 circles. Top each pie with the smaller circles and press the edges together to seal. Brush the top of each pie with beaten egg and dust with sugar, then cut some small steam holes in the tops.

Bake for 15 minutes at 425°, then reduce the heat to 350° and bake an another 15 minutes, until the dough is golden and the filling begins to bubble out (in fact, if your cupcake pan doesn't have edges, you may want to set a sheet pan underneath to catch any drippings).

Serve warm with ice cream, or at room temperature any time (especially handy for adding to a lunch).

HIMYM's Best Burger in New York

How I Met Your Mother has to be one of the best shows on TV right now. So imagine how happy I was to see last night's episode, a virtual love letter to Chowhound? Marshall (and, inexplicably, Regis Philbin) search for the perfect burger in New York.

It's all here, everything that makes this show great - the writing ("I said I don't like Chinese"), the facial expressions (Marshall clearly in love with the burger), the little things you barely even see (like Robin licking the glue off the deposit envelope out of hunger). Plus, the episode dispensed with Ted's search for the Mother of the title and instead focused on the group of friends (the thing that truly makes the show great).

Whether you like food, the chowhounding process, HIMYM, or just good comedy, definitely give this episode a watch.

Geeky Pie Chart Humor

I love GraphJam, especially when there are food-related posts (see here and here).

The Michael Phelps Diet

During the Olympics, there was plenty of blogger-hype about Michael Phelps' 12,000-calorie-a-day diet. Thankfully, even the Golden Boy himself thinks it's a little ridiculous. My favorite is the butter-wrapped meatballs.

Sunnydale: Come for the Food, Stay for the Dismemberment!

A very interesting party invitation showed up in my Google Reader a couple of weeks ago, and, as my friends know, I've been obsessing over it since then. Stephanie at Dispensing Happiness called for appetizers and drinks in the theme of Buffy the Vampire Slayer... and all I could think about was finding a mug.

A little background - I'm only a recent Buffy convert, but it didn't take more than an episdoe to get me hooked. Thankfully, I was able to fly through all seven seasons on DVD. When I started library school last year, I tried to find a copy of Giles' "Kiss the Librarian" mug, but the search got difficult and I gave up. This party invite started the search anew, and I had people across the country searching for something similar. Still no luck. So, using a little Buffy girl power, I took matters into my own hands and painted the damn mug myself. Yes, I am a geek.

With the important matters out of the way, I had to decide on an appetizer. Not knowing what kind of party this would be (gathering - brie, mellow song stylings; shindig - dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; or hootenanny - chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny), I went with something that would work for all three.

Staked and Dusted Flank Steak with Rhubarb Dipping Sauce
1 pound flank steak
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup olive oil
4 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
salt and pepper
4 stalks rhubarb (about 1 pound), chopped
6 garlic cloves, finely chopped
4 Tbsp cider vinegar
6 Tbsp honey
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp Dijon mustard

Place steak, soy sauce, oil, and roughly chopped garlic in a large ziploc bag and let marinate overnight in the fridge. Remove from fridge roughly 1 hour before cooking.

While steak is warming up, chop rhubarb and garlic and combine in a medium pot with vinegar, honey, salt, and mustard. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes or until the rhubarb falls apart. Transfer mixture to a blender or use a stick blender to give the sauce a smooth texture (you can add some red food coloring here if you really want to go for the bloody effect).

On a grill at roughly medium-high heat, grill steak for about 4 minutes on each side. Let meat rest for 10 minutes before slicing thinly against the grain. Thread steak strips on skewers and dust with fresh black pepper and sea salt. Serve with rhubarb sauce for dipping.

Bloody Cosmos - I know, not really a cosmo, but it's close enough for me
2 oz. cranberry vodka
4 oz. blood orange juice
lime-flavored seltzer

In a tall glass filled with ice, combine vodka and orange juice. Top off with seltzer and give it a good stir (bendy straw optional).

How Old ARE These Eggs??

I was a little surprised to see these eggs at Whole Foods this weekend. Hasn't it been ages since there was a Bread and Circus around? I mean, the eggs tasted fresh, but still...

You Can't Eat That in the Theater...

I, like 96% of all food bloggers, love Top Chef. And since I’m a big movie geek as well, last night’s episode was awesome. The cheftestants had to build a course around their favorite movie. While some were well thought out (Willy Wonka and A Christmas Story were my two favorite dishes), some utterly failed, either at picking a movie that would help them in any way or in making a dish that represented the film.

Of course, as soon as Padma announced the challenge, I turned to my roommate and asked what film he would choose. This led us off onto a whole discussion of which foods tie in to which movies and what we would make for this challenge. Here’s what we came up with. I realize that we took it all more literally than the cheftestants did, but hey, no one has to actually eat this stuff.

Indiana Jones – A dish involving snake meat. We didn’t go too far with this because we got sidetracked with dessert – monkey brains! Peeled fruit (like grapefruit) in a sorbet or ice cream, served in a hollowed-out coconut. Oh, and “bad dates” somewhere on that dish too…

Big Night – Big ‘50s red sauce flavors - risotto, timpano, and a whole roast pig. Or simply a perfectly cooked omelette, like the one in the last scene of the film – so evocative of the brothers’ relationship.

Wicker Man – I’d go with something involving apples and bacon, but my roommate wanted to build the apples into the shape of a person (and then light it on fire!).

Lord of the Rings – Rabbit with a hard “lembas”-style bread.

Donnie Darko – Pizza with the toppings split right down the middle – red tomato sauce and pepperoni on one half, blue potato slices on the other half. (This would work for any politically-themed movie, but I love the family’s political talk over pizza in this movie).

Sadly, I couldn’t come up with anything for some of my favorite movies – Empire Records (peanut M&Ms, cupcakes, rock music, and pot brownies?), Mulholland Drive (espresso… and loathing of loved ones?), The Commitments (beer and cigarettes?), or Zoolander (water?).

What would you make?

Have a Gooey Easter!

Besides the religious meaning of the holiday, Easter is known for its candy. Peeps have unfortunately made the move to become year-round treats, while many other candies only dress up in pastel colors for the holiday. But Cadbury makes a whole line of egg-shaped goodies that are only available at this time of year. My personal favorite are the mini eggs with their sugary coating and velvety chocolate interior. I've never been a big fan of the Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Until now.


I'm still not interested in the too-sweet filling inside the eggs, but I think this marketing campaign is brilliant. YouTube is filled with videos of suicidal chocolate eggs coming up with new and creative ways to off themselves. The most dramatic, though, is the mass suicide finale:



But nothing made me laugh as hard as the alternate to that scene. I think it's the music that really makes it.



All of the videos, as well as games and some hilarious pictures, are available at the Creme Eggs website.

So Happy Easter, and try not to get too sick off all that candy.

Foooood Fight!

I saw this last week and kept meaning to post a link (mostly because I know my brother will love it). "Food Fight" is a brilliant look at recent world history portrayed through the foods of the nations involved. If you need a cheat sheet on what foods belong to which countries, look here.

I'm a big fan of the pickle projectiles and the Cold War segment.

A New Battle Cry

The Tick has a culinary battle cry (although I was always a little more partial to Arthur's). Why shouldn't I have one of my own?

I was at a friend's house for dinner, and she suggested trying profiteroles for dessert. She had never made them before, and it's probably been 10 years or more since the last time I made them, so it sounded like a fun challenge. A quick search found Thomas Keller's recipe, and I fell to work.

Now, I know there are a lot of words in that recipe, and usually, lengthy recipes turn me off. But this recipe works beautifully, forming choux dough with little work. The hardest part was scooping the ice cream to fill them with.

So where do battle cries fit into the recipe? The word "profiterole" is similar to "profiteor," Latin for "to profess or declare publicly." (More likely, profiteroles derive from the French for "to profit.") Just say the word "profiteroles" out loud (a booming voice helps). Shake your fist a little if that gets you into the mood. Isn't it just a great battle cry?

I know it will be my battle cry the next time I'm fighting to open a jar or I'm angry at my oven.